Class is in session

Hello friends! As you may have noticed, I’ve been absent around here for a bit.This was due to a combination of sickness in our household and also due to a much needed vacation.

Once we all got over our crud/summer cold, we had a terrific week.  We spent the entire time (minus a quick overnight Daddy only trip to Kansas City) with the Bean and it was just what the doctor ordered.  We took him to Woolaroc, which was Frank Phillips’ homestead and is now a pretty incredible museum and reserve with Buffalo and all sorts of other unusual animals and exhibits.  The Bean has always been around animals – we have dogs, my Mom is a cowgirl and has had him on horses since he was two months old.  He’s a total animal lover and has absolutely no fear, which can be good or bad depending on the situation.  He decided that every animal in the petting zoo needed an open-mouth kiss at least 3-5 times, which sent Jer’s germaphobe anxiety into overdrive.  :)  He also decided that a massive, agitated Buffalo needed a hug and darted off after it (luckily I caught him after about two steps).

At fifteen months now, he’s become quite the little talker and attention seeker (no idea where he gets either).  :)  At Woolaroc, he had to say “hi” and “bye” to everyone he saw.  He had to tell everyone by the Buffalo pen that those were “moo cows”.  We tried to explain they were Buffalo, but he just rolled his eyes at us like we were crazy and reasserted their moo-cowness.

Being out and about together as a family has gotten us some weird looks and questions before but it seemed to be amplified ten-fold on this vacation.  I always try to remind myself that most people are just curious and don’t realize that their questions may be inappropriate or rude.   But, as a mental note to the world, here’s somethings you may want to think before saying to a same-sex couple:

 

Is he yours?
Chances are, when you see two men carrying around a baby that calls them both Daddy, he’s ours. He’s not on loan and we didn’t rent him at the giftshop to get the full park experience.

I understand you’re probably asking if he’s biologically ours or adopted but that’s not something we discuss with strangers. If I see you with your children my first instinct isn’t to ask you whether or not they are biologically yours.

Who’s the father?
This is the one that I find the most invasive and unintentionally insulting.

We are BOTH his father – neither of us more than the other. I understand you’re curious about how he came into this world, but that’s not a question you ask a stranger. And the wording is pretty rude, as is it implies that only one of Bean’s Dads is really his father, which isn’t the case in any way, shape or form.

Who’s sperm did you use?
Yes, really. We’ve been asked this several times by complete strangers. It’s a different phrasing of the question above and is entirely inappropriate just the same.

At no point should complete strangers be considering or inquiring about our sperm. How on Earth does that even come out of your mouth?

Where’s his Mom?
Probably at work. Why? Do you know her? I get that you’re asking if we have an open relationship with his mother, but the relationship that we have with our son’s mother isn’t banter between strangers typically.

Do you plan on raising him together?
That’s the plan – like with most married couples.

Asking this question implies that you don’t see same-sex relationships having the same commitment and/or longevity that heterosexual relationships have, which can be mildly insulting.

Who’s the Mommy?
Yup, that’s another keeper. I assume you’re asking who’s the primary caregiver for our son. We both are. That’s one of the beautiful things about a same-sex relationship – we don’t typically fall into gender role stereotypes. Since there isn’t a Mommy in our home, there’s no expectation that one of us take on any more of the work in parenting than the other. When the Bean was waking up at night, we alternated shifts. We alternate diaper duty, bath time, meals and all of the other work that comes along with having a family. I think that’s actually one area where straight couples could take a few notes. Having ovaries shouldn’t obligate someone to pick up more of the work when it comes to the kids.

And, this isn’t a question, but a statement we hear over and over again…

“Good for you!”

Yay! We have your approval! :) We typically get approached by women and I have to say that a majority of the time they are kind and supportive. But, at the same time, it gets frustrating when we’re cornered in the line at the grocery store, in the food court of the mall or at state parks to ease someone else’s curiosity. But I know what it’s like to be curious and, most of the time, I’m happy to try and educate people or at least help them see a different view point.

But, even when you’re talking to the most open-minded person about their life, you should consider the phrasing of your question and try to be as un-jack-ass-ish as possible. The end. :)