Sometimes I can’t be quiet

Hello friends. My name is Ryan and I have a problem being quiet with people who can’t see both sides of an issue. This personality trait got my skewered on another blog recently. Hello, MODG. You can read the comments on two posts here and here. You can be the judge. Apparently, I am a terrible, horrible, shady liar-face for having an opinion. What’s my deal?

I’ll give you the short version.

MODG is a total natural hippie Momma who was talking about the stygma related to breast feeding in public and she’s a firm believer that all women should be able to feed how they want, where they want and when they want. I tried to make the point that, when you’re talking about public breast feeding, it’s not just about the mother, child and their comfort. The definition of “public” is, at the core: pertaining to all people. There will always be, right or wrong, people who don’t want to see a stranger’s breast while they’re having dinner. And that’s okay too.

My real issue was that it became very clear that MODG and her supporters were demanding respect for their own comfort levels while not being willing to be respect those around them. Just because one person has chosen to be okay with breast feeding in public doesn’t mean everyone else has made the same conclusion and it’s not fair to push your beliefs on anyone else. And just because someone is uncomfortable with you breastfeeding in the grocery store doesn’t make them a terrible person. My suggestion was be aware of those around you, be respectful and validate whether those around you are as comfortable with your exposed breast as you are. If you know, or suspect, that you’re going to have to breast feed while in a restaurant or at Starbucks, ask for a more private booth.

And there was my fatal error.

I expected that, since most of MODG’s readers (I assume) are grown women, they’d be tolerant of opinions that differed from theirs. Yeah, wrong.

In subsequent comments, I was called a jackass, people implied I created an alias to defend myself (even though it’s very clear that that’s false) and MODG was encouraged to block me from ever commenting again.

Now, I can see that sort of reaction if I was all “YOU ARE DISGUSTING UGLY HORRIBLE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. AND I DRANK THE LAST OF YOUR OJ IN THE FRIDGE!” But I was nothing but respectful when sharing my opinion. Sure, I don’t have breasts but I figure I’m entitled to have an opinion on public breast feeding because it is something that is pertaining to all the people. Prop 8 wasn’t limited to voting from only the LGBT community. So, using the precedent set by the US court system, we are allowed to have opinions on something we haven’t personally experienced. We’re all allowed opinions – at least that’s what I thought.

Anyway, I didn’t post this to start a flame war or anything else. I still love MODG, I will still read her site. But I will think twice before posting a comment in the future because I don’t appreciate the lynch mob mentality that’s being fostered (and supported) for those who don’t wholeheartedly agree with an opinion. My main reason for posting this was to publicly address something that’s been rumbling behind the scenes here. In the last 36 hours, I’ve gotten over 30 messages (emails, comments) from gals who read the comments on MODG and either agreed or disagreed with me.

Wherever you stand, this is what you should have taken away from this:

1. I am a supporter of respectful breastfeeding in public. I don’t think that an exposed breast needs to be bounced around outside of the privacy of your home. But I do support a woman’s choice to feed her child how she chooses as long as you balance the needs of the mother/child with respecting those around you.




2. I think you’re missing the opportunity to grow as a person when you don’t consider the other side of an argument and just flatly say it’s wrong.




3. I think it’s childish to call names when a respectful sharing of opinions is happening. You instantly lose any credibility with me.





4. Comparing the discrimination you face as a breast feeding parent does NOT compare to the discrimination that the LGBT community faces, so don’t try to play that for sympathy with me. Let me know when breast feeding women are beaten, murdered, have their marital rights stripped from them and/or can not start their families due to biased legislation. Sorry you feel uncomfortable but that’s pretty minor in the bigger scheme of things.




5. I’m mostly a joker and I’m pretty light-hearted. But I stand firm behind my own beliefs. I can consider other viewpoints and I’ll admit when I’m wrong (to everyone other than my husband). But I’m not going to say I was wrong to avoid the wrath of a few crazy women who have watched Mean Girls once too often.

If you’ve found my site because of MODG Boobiegate 2011, welcome. You are always invited to share your opinions here, whether they line up with mine or not. And, unless you’re being abusive, overly childish or defamatory, I’m happy to have a discussion or debate with you. Maybe we’ll see eye to eye every time and maybe we won’t. But all I know is that I won’t continue to grow as a person if I’m surrounded by people who don’t challenge my views and ideas now and again.