A letter to Bean: 18 months

I’ve been thinking more about what I want Pride in Life to be for the long term. My goal when starting to write this blog was to show the mundane, ordinary life that I lead with my family; to hopefully show that my same-sex family is probably a lot like yours. And to hopefully share some useful information along the way for other gay daddies out there or at least let them know that they’re not alone. In our neck of the woods, it’s difficult to connect with other same-sex families. That’s the beauty of the internet to me: you’re able to create a sense of community with others all over the world and to draw support from that.

But, in addition to all of that, I really want PiL to be a scrapbook of sorts. We do photobooks every year of Bean and family pictures but I’m never going to be a scrapbooker. I did manage to keep up with his baby book, which is packed full of photos and info that chart his growth and development. But, at least for me, it seems very impersonal.

So, I’ve decided to focus on writing posts now and again specifically for Bean. When he’s older, he can either look back and see much I love him or beg me to take the site/posts down because I’m ruining his life as a teenager. The decision will be his. This is part one of my online scrapbook.

Bear Bear,

Today is Thursday, November 10, 2011 and you’re a little over 18-months-old now. You had your 18 month check up and shots last Friday and you were 34 inches tall and weighed 26.5 pounds. For height, you’re in the 95th percentile, meaning you came out really tall and have maintained that (which is proving to be your second greatest strength when giving me gray hairs, only topped by your stubbornness. You are able to reach things no 18-month-old should be able to reach). As for your weight, you’re in the 50th-75th percentile. I find that suspect considering you have the most adorable chubby ankles, arms and a plump little belly that’s perfect for tickling. But we’ll go with it.

Here are some of your favorite words right now:

As a sidenote: you love to break everything into two syllables, even if it’s a one syllable word. And you always go up on the second syllable. You can, and do, speak normally but this is just one of your little quirks right now that I’ll forever miss when you grow out of it.

Daaaa-deeee (Daddy)

Buuu-peeee (Puppy)

Aww Guwn (All gone)

Schee ya (See ya)

Schhh-ooooos (Shoes)

Schhhh-awks (Socks) (this is one of my favorites – you sound like Sean Connery saying socks)

Eeeeeat

Food

Drink

Milk

Mommy

Nana (Grandma)

Papa (Grandpa)

Mo Gabba Gabba (Yo Gabba Gabba – your favorite show)

Truck

Twain (train)

Uh-oh

Pfffffh-one (Phone)

Uh-uh

There’s more that I can’t think of. You’re picking up a couple words each day (good and bad). As you learn you’re also teaching your Daddies. You’ve taught us that calling someone a douche bag, swearing while driving and calling body parts by slang words are probably all things we shouldn’t do in front of you anymore (sorry to the old lady at grocery store for when my son pointed at your chest and called it something that rhymes with “mitts”. TOTALLY my bad).

Here’s an overview of what your daily routine is right now.

During the week, I wake you up around 6:30 in the morning to get ready. The second your door opens (if it’s closed), you shoot up and start talking (if you weren’t already sitting up talking). When you see me, a smile breaks out on your face that lights it up and I melt. This is when you should ask me for a car. Or a horse. Or a million dollars. (You’ll get it.) We change your diaper, lotion you up, get you dressed and brush your hair (which always takes twice as long as it should because you have to brush my hair too).

Once you’re all dressed, I hand you off to your Daddy (because he’s just finished getting ready and I’m still in my PJs) and he feeds you breakfast. After you eat your breakfast, we brush your teeth (you have to have your own brush to use and we have an extra one so Daddy and I can actually do the brushing while you bite yours and play with it), put your shoes on, coat on (if necessary) and then Daddy drives you to daycare (Tuesday through Friday; I take you Monday morning because Daddy has an early meeting).

In an ideal world, we’d be able to stay home with you. But the reality is that we can’t right now. Short of keeping you ourselves, we found you a wonderful daycare that family friends run. You love it. From the second you’re in the door, you vanish into the toy room or you run off with your friends. Sometimes we get goodbye kisses, other days we just get a “see ya!” as you run off without looking back.

We pick you up from daycare about 4:30 every day. You spend the whole car ride home talking about your day. Only about 25% of what you say is understandable but I love it none the less. You’re so animated, expressive and excited to tell us about what you did during the day. When we get home, you have a little snack (usually some fruit and juice) and then we play blocks, play in your tent or we read some books together (which really involves you pointing to pictures and yelling “WHAT’S THAT?” and then saying “Oh!” after I tell you, or you trying to close the book on my hand). We play most of the evening until about 6:00 and then it’s family dinner time. You sit in your booster seat at the table like a big boy now, which gives me chest pains. When did my boy grow up? We eat while you chatter away and continue telling us about your day. Fresh fruit and veggies are still your absolute favorites; each time you take a bite, you make a loud, overly dramatic “Mmmmmmmmm!” sound. You also love Greek yogurt and cottage cheese. You’re not super fond of meats but you’ll eat them after all of your fruits and vegetables are gone.

After dinner, we play for a little bit longer (until about 7:00 and then it’s bath time). I typically give you your bath while Daddy cleans up the path of destruction you’ve left behind. As I’ve said before, bath time is one of my favorite parts of the night.

Once bath time is “all done”, we lotion up again (you have dry skin if we don’t lather you with lotion twice a day) and throw on your pajamas. From there, we try to have a little down time on the couch and snuggle. You’re not much of a snuggler – you’d rather be attempting to put a dog in the washing machine or hiding my car keys. You love saying “night night” to everyone in the house multiple times (including the buuu-pees) and giving lots of kisses before bed. I take you in to bed, tuck you in, give you your stuffed Buffalo (that you won’t sleep without) and say goodnight one last time. You say, “Night night daaaa-deee” one last time, I turn off your lamp, turn on your music and you’re out like a light.

Unless you’re sick, you sleep through the night like a champ. Thank you for this. From the time you were two months old, you’ve been the king of sleeping. You will even sleep in on weekends or you’ll play quietly until we wake up and come to get you. Because of this, you will always get a larger inheritance than any future brothers or sisters. And I’ll always love you a little more than I love them. (Note to self: never let the kids read this blog. Sorry, but Dad needs his sleep.)

On the weekends your routine is pretty much the same except you sleep later, we run various errands and we spend a lot more time playing in the living room. />

You had an injury-filled week last week. I attribute this to the fact that you are completely lacking any semblance of fear and you’ve been supplied with an abundance of spunk, creativity and stubbornness.

In the past week you’ve…

Gotten your first black eye.

Smashed your finger in the door (trying to close the bathroom door after being told to leave it alone).

Slammed your head on the hardwoods while throwing a fit.

We’re certain that you’ve entered the terrible twos ahead of schedule. You are constantly testing limits, disregarding what your parents say, pushing other (and much bigger) kids around and you’re getting a little big for your britches in how you talk to your Daddy and me. With that said, it’s manageable and it’s all to be expected with a toddler your age. Even with you’re being a little bear (hence the nickname Bear Bear), you’re still the best little man I know.

You’re affectionate, you’re tender-hearted, you’re loving and you have an inner-joy that’s infectious to be around. You know if someone’s sad and you will give them a hug or kiss without any prompting (even if they’re a complete stranger). You constantly try to share your food with others when it’s something you really love; you want everyone else to try the things you love. You laugh more than any person or child I know and it’s a deep, belly laugh that makes everything in the world seem less vivid by comparison. All I have to do is ask you if Dad or Daddy love you to see your face-brightening smile appear. It makes my heart happy that you know how deeply you are wanted and loved. You love your puppies more than anything; you may try to put them in the washing machine now and again, but 99.9% of the time you are gentle, loving and protective of them. You love helping feed them and you hate it when they’re in their crates and you can’t hug them. You have a really soft, sensitive side that I cherish. You are full of love and compassion for others, which is what I’m most proud of you for.

You are a complete and utter flirt with the ladies and you have been since infancy. You love everyone but no one elicits your coy little flirty smile like the ladies and no one puts the twinkle in your eye like a pretty girl. When we are out and about, you will intentionally drop something to get a pretty lady’s attention and then you will talk to her until we drag you away. Especially pretty blonds (how are you old enough to have a type already?). This is something that gives your Daddy chest pains and makes me clean my shot gun out on a regular basis. We’ve decided you can’t date until after college. I’m certain you’ll abide by our decision.

To sum it up: you’re a lot of work. You are a bear at times. You are so stubborn I don’t know what to do with you sometimes. But you are perfect. Perfect times a million.

Watching you learn and grow has changed my perspective on life. You’ve taught me who I am and helped me figure out who I want to be. You push me to be a better person, a better father and a better husband. The sound of your laughter ringing through the house has made it into a home. You’ve taught me how to love more than I thought I was capable of loving. Your birth has cemented the relationship I have with your Daddy and has helped our love and bond grow exponentially. We were so in love before your birth but now, with you, we’re a family. You made us whole.

As we continue on this journey together, I promise to do my best to provide for you, to maintain structure and balance in your life, to nurture who you are and to encourage you to grow into the loving, compassionate man I see inside of this little boy. And I promise not to cry at every major event in your life. I can’t say the same for your Daddy though. :)

I love you, my little man.

Dad