Today, December 1st, is World AIDS Day. It’s a time to remember those we’ve lost, to focus on those who are afflicted with this horrible disease and to remind us that this is preventable and, eventually, curable. But we have to be vigilant in our fight against this monster.
Click here to read more about World AIDS Day.
When I first came out of the closet, I made a friend named Matt (named changed to respect his privacy). Matt was significantly older than I was and had been living openly as a gay man for decades. At a time where I had no idea what life as a gay man looked like, Matt stepped in, took me under his wing and helped me acclimate to being out of the closet. He was a kind, loving and giving man. He also happened to be living with HIV.
His favorite saying was from the musical RENT. He’d always say he was living with, not dying from, AIDS after he took a turn for the worse. Matt slowly faded and finally passed away in 2003.
My friendship with Matt shaped who I am today. He taught me that there should be no shame in being gay; that lying about who you are is a damaging and self-destructive path to take. That it’s better to live honestly with a few friends than to live a lie with many. He also taught me that you don’t have to be a stereo type to fit into the LGBT community, something that I really struggled with when I came out. From childhood on people told me that gay men were promiscuous, didn’t form committed relationships and were all these sad, sorry, depressed individuals searching for validation through deviant behavior. That’s what children are taught in the Bible Belt.
But Matt showed me that gay men are completely capable of monogamy, love and stable relationships. Matt had contracted HIV during a liver transplant prior to the stringent practices we have in place today.
It was ironic learning about love, about being committed and not feeling pressure to have causal sex from someone who everyone assumed had contracted HIV from dangerous sexual encounters. It completely changed the way I think about same-sex relationships and it reinforced my commitment to be safe in my own sex life. It also gave me a disturbingly clear picture of how society labels and discriminates against those affected with HIV/AIDS.
Matt’s been gone from the world for far too long. He should still be here with me and he should be teaching his nephew, Bean, how to garden. I feel his absence nearly every single day. And I mourn his loss, and the loss of his family and friends, each time I look at my family, knowing I could have very well taken a different road without his unfaltering love and support for his little ginger friend.
We need to find a cure. We need to prevent this disease. This world need more Matts. We can do it.
Closing with Matt’s favorite song from RENT:
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?
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“We need to find a cure. We need to prevent this disease.” <—- I couldn't agree more!
I would also add that we need to be more supportive and accepting of those living with the disease.
Last year I saw Rent for the second time. I held it together until that song. I watched my cousin fade away from AIDS after he received contaminated blood supply in his late childhood. It’s not fair. So many wonderful lives have been lost. I’m sorry for your loss…..