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Hiya!
I’m Ryan and Pride in Life is my personal blog devoted to showing the world just how bizarre I really am. It’s also my online journal, charting my (mis)adventures as a husband and first-time father.
I love photography so much, I’d totally open-mouth kiss it on the first date. I love scifi, comic books and I’m moderately obsessed with all things mid-century modern, Danish modern and more-than-moderately obsessed with Fiestaware (it’s bordering on unhealthy), vintage Pyrex and Cathrineholm pieces. I also write a monthly guest post at It’s Conceivable, an online resource for prospective or current LGBT families.
Update: We are currently in the process of moving from Oklahoma to Denver, Colorado. Click on a story below to catch up on our adventure.
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I am married to pretty much the most kind, understanding, loving person on the planet, who is abundantly patient with me. He is the Cher to my Sonny, the Angelina to my Brad – the David Burtka to my Neil Patrick Harris. In his free time, he loves a glass (bottle) of wine, a good book (gossip magazine) and watching classic films (every iteration of The Real Housewives he can possibly work in).
When my husband, (Michael) Jeremy, and I began talking about starting a family, we quickly realized that there were very few (if any) decent resources out there for same-sex couples wanting to get their procreation on. So, rather than trying to fix that problem, I decided to start a blog to gripe about it and hope someone else would come up with something.
I keed, I keed.
My goal with Pride in Life is to share our experiences as a young family, to hopefully share some useful resources, tips and/or tricks along the way and to prove that it’s possible to have your version of the American Dream (we’re still short 1.5 kids and the white picket fence – too traditional for our taste – but we’re getting there), even if you don’t want the wife (or husband, depending on our orientation).
Come on in, take a look around.
Ryan
Facts About the Bean
You can go to the Bean’s page to read more about him.
100 Things (in progress)
Here’s some randomosity for ya.
- I am in my early thirties.
- I hate bees and wasps and will totally use you as a human shield if they’re attacking.
- I love cottage cheese.
- And, sadly, I’m lactose intolerant. (I hate that name – it makes me feel like a dairy racist.)
- I have lived in the same greater metro area my entire life. Lame!
- I have 1 brother, 1 sister and 2 half-sisters.
- I love animals. We used to foster rescue dogs in another life. We’ll do it again once our little man is a bit older.
- I am a ginger.
- (But I have a soul, unlike what’s been reported in the media.)
- I love music. Too much.
- I take 5-10 pictures every day, whether it’s with my “big camera” or my iPhone.
- I’ve seen one bazillion concerts in my adult life (that number may be slightly exaggerated).
- I am married to the most kind, loving, gentle and caring person I have ever met in my life.
- I am a total Joss Whedon fan.
- I love the movie the Goonies. HEY YOU GUUUUUUUYS!
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my favorite TV show ever.
- I have an incredible family that I love very much.
- My father-in-law and his wife, as well as the extended family on that side, are amazing people and I am truly blessed to have them in my life.
- I drive a Nissan Versa. I’m a hatchback kinda guy.
- I am an Apple product fanatic.
- I’m a former Apple employee.
- I eat to live. I don’t get a lot of enjoyment out of it. I literally could eat the same thing for every meal for months in a row and be okay with that.
- Jer is a foodie though, which is a good thing. He’s teaching the Bean how to love all sorts of different foods.
- Jer and I were married in Iowa in November of 2009. It’s still one of the best days of my life.
- I love Kelly Clarkson to levels that border on obsession. I don’t have her tattooed on my body yet, but I’d say we’re 1-2 albums away from that.
- I’ve had a crush on Jason Bateman my entire life. Some things never change (like his perfect hairline).
- I am in love with Burt’s Bees lip/chap stuff.
- I think Ella Fitzgerald is the greater singer who has ever graced the planet. I could listen to her all day every day and still find new nuanced moments that I’ve missed prior.
- I hate talking about myself.
- I love to cook but I’m only good at making about 5 things.
- I love talking about things most people are smart enough to keep to themselves (like when I spent a whole day with my underwear on backwards).
- I use being outgoing and funny as a coping mechanism to hide the fact that I’m really a shy introvert.
- I try to be a good person every day, in every decision. Obviously I make mistakes and I’m flawed, but my intentions are always good.
- I believe in God but I don’t believe in Christianity. After being raised in an environment that teaches judgment and self-hatred, I can’t support anything resembling organized religion in Oklahoma.
- I can’t imagine a life without at least a couple dogs in it.
- I have an unhealthy and irrational fear of needles. I have to be sedated to get an IV.
- I have a wicked sarcastic streak in me that I have to keep in check. I could easily be the male Parker Posey of Oklahoma if I let it get out of check.
- I love my son more than I ever thought that I could love a child. He’s the center of our world and I can’t imagine what life was like before his birth (I am TOTALLY tearing up writing this).
- I believe the glass is half full. Unless it’s wine and my husband is around, then it’s empty.
- I secretly want to pick up and move to Seattle or Minneapolis. I hate the heat in Oklahoma.
- I’m a Virgo. I have no idea what that means, but there you go.
- I love thin mint cookies.
- If you touch my computer monitor, I will hit you someplace very unpleasant.
- I’m addicted to Amazon and their stupid 2 day free shipping that makes every other shipping fee seem like you’re being financially raped.
- I still wake up 3-5 times a night to check the baby monitor and make sure that our son is okay.
- I love to read but I don’t do it enough.
- I want to have at least one more kiddo. Just not right now.
- I love Lauryn Hill, even if she’s a total nutsowhackjob.
- I can not watch sports on TV – any of them. I can actually feel my life shortening as I watch.
- I can be over-dramatic to make a point.
- more to come…
13 comments
[...] About PiL [...]
I just read your comments on MODG and I HAD to come over and say how very very much I am such a fan! I was going to say I adore you but that’s a bit much for a first meeting. And then I read this list and then I was like eff it, I adore you. You had me at lactose intolerant (I too am a dairy racist), Jason Bateman (oh so much yess), eating to live, photography, no sports watching, extended family, small cooking repertoire, all of it!!
But also, I wanted to give you props for calling her out. I’m trying to wean myself of her blog but I can’t stop going there because methinks she gets a bit big for the britches at times. And then I’m glad that I went back because I found you, so it’s definitely a love-hate relationship I’m having with her blog, if that’s even possible. Actually, I guess it is and yes I am that lame.
And since I’m supposed to be working right now, I should go but I just had to come say hi! Can’t wait to read more from you! But not right now because I have to work (as I go off to read your posts)….
Hey Desiree – ANOTHER Jason Bateman loving, dairy racist photography loving person? SAY IT AIN’T SO! We’re officially besties. Let the BFF bracelet wearing and hair braiding commence! :)
I love MODG to death – I think she’s one of the funniest gals on the internet. But that doesn’t mean I agree with all of her opinions. (How boring would it be if I did?) She’s a good gal – I say hang in there and stay in the Triple Heart Sparkle Fan Club. :)
Thank you for the super sweet comment – you made my week! :)
Ryan– I also found your site via MODG. I was somehow sucked into the MODG comment wars and while I usually don’t have strong enough opinions on such banter to chime in, I do in this case have an honest question for you. As I understand it, your position is that breastfeeding in public should be a balancing act between a mother’s need to feed her child and the comfort level of those around her (I summarize). My question for you is whether you have the same position with regard to a same-sex couple’s right to display affection in public. Should a gay couple refrain from holding hands in public because it might offend an Amish or Islamic family’s religious beliefs??? I really hope you would answer, no. See, it is my belief that some rights are so fundamental (the right to feed one’s child, and the right to love who we love, among those) that there is no balancing act– we have to respect those rights at almost any cost, without regard to whether the exercising of such rights offends the comfort of some folks. And while, yes, one person’s rights end where another’s begin, I feel there are just some “rights” that transcend this rule.
Hi Tara – You’re talking apples and oranges.
I really think that it’s a stretch to draw any comparison between choosing to breastfeed in public and the discrimination that the LGBT community faces. Like I said on MODG, when it becomes common place for breastfeeding women to be physically assaulted, verbally harassed or murdered, let’s have that conversation. Last I checked it was the LGBT youth of the nation committing suicide because of the rampant homophobia, bullying and discrimination in this country not breastfeeding mothers. It’s the LGBT community that can’t marry their spouses or have families due to the laws in the US, not breastfeeding mothers.
Long after you’re finished breastfeeding, LGBT individuals will still be living with the discrimination and hatred that they face.
I’m sorry if some women feel uncomfortable breastfeeding in public. But the argument that it’s not about anyone else and no one else should care is a paradox. The definition of the word “public”, as in public breastfeeding: “Of or concerning the people as a whole.” Tell me how public breastfeeding doesn’t impact the people around you? By definition it DOES impact the people around you.
I think that this whole argument has gotten pretty crazy. Sure, breastfeeding I imagine is hard. Going to the ER at 2 AM with a child who strep is hard. Having an infant PERIOD is hard. Why does that become an excuse to not be considerate that others around you may not share your comfort level with exposed breasts in public? If you can’t handle having to sacrifice, to plan ahead with feeding your child or deal with situations at they arise, then you should probably be prepared for a really stressful experience as a parent.
To use your example of comfort levels and things that transcend the rules, I was at an outdoor bistro a few years back when a man opened his fly and, while still seated at his table next to the garden, urinated off of the patio in front of everyone. It’s a normal, healthy bodily function. He wasn’t offended by exposing his genitals and relieving himself in public. Shouldn’t that be permissible as well then?
At some point, whether you want to or not, you have to make concessions about what you want to do and what you should do. That’s part of being an adult and learning to be a contributing member of society. Forcing your beliefs on someone will never get the desired result though.
And, to answer your question, no, I wouldn’t want to hold hands in public. I am not really a PDA guy like that. But I also think that straight couples should tone it down as well. However, I do not expect them to do so because I wish they would. :)
Thanks for the response. I was really just curious for your opinion and thought I’d ask without any war-like intention. But talk about apples to oranges: bodily excriment and baby nourishment?? I’d hate to think that we live in a world where two groups need to be equally oppressed to be afforded equal respect. There is clearly no comparisson to the oppression of breastfeeders and that of the LGBT community. But I do find the senselessness of the discomfort comparable. When I encounter homophobia, I am always puzzled by what exactly is so threatening or bothersome about the LGBT community to insight such intolerance in people. I am equally puzzled by how breastfeeding in public could be so disconcerting to anyone. I know why peeing in public is bothersome: it is unhygenic and smelly. I really didn’t mean my question to be offensive and apologize if it came across as such.
Tara – no offense was taken at all. I’m just frazzled on this whole topic from MODG. My point was some people – not me – some people may not want to see a stranger breastfeed while they have dinner, and that should be okay too.
Also here via MODG and I just wanted to say thank you for holding firm on your opinions! As someone who knows Jaime I have, of course, a more personal connection to attacks on her. But really it boils down to being able to voice an opinion and not have to worry about the backlash. I was definitely saddened by the response to both of your comments. Glad it led me hear though, I’ve always had a soft spot for gingers!
Hey Hutch – yeah, Jaime and I got hammered. LOL. And I am fine with other people not agreeing with my opinion. I’m just not okay with people calling each other jackasses and implying that anyone who disagrees with them is a liar or shady. I’m super bummed about MODG’s reaction to it all. We had a sidebar email discussion where I called her out on not stepping in when people went too far. According to her, it’s totally okay to name call and make personal attacks on people who disagree with her. But it’s discrimination to respectfully disagree with her. Her stance completely defies logic to me.
I’m really at a loss on that one and it’s made me lose a ton of respect for her.
Thanks for commenting ladies! GINGERLUVFOREVER! :)
Ryan – found your blog via Hitting my Stride and now I’m going to read all of your archives. I too am a sci-fi loving (Joss rules!), photography loving, huge music fan and while my husband and I don’t yet have children, we may end up going down the adoption route. I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog.
BTW – are you a Doctor Who fan at all? If you’ve never watched, I bet you’d love it (the new incarnation that started in 2005…I’ve never watched the original series).
Aww…thanks, Kathi! Desiree is pretty much the coolest chick on the planet. I love connecting with my sci-fi loving sisters around the world! I haven’t seen Dr. Who but I did watch Torchwood and loved it (I’m still mixed on Torchwood: Miracle Day though). I need to pawn off the Bean on relatives for a week and watch it from the beginning. I’m off to call the grandparents! :)
Desiree from “Hitting My Stride” sent me here. I couldn’t help but smile as I read your about me. It just netted you a new subscriber!
*off to explore your blog*
Hi Lina! Thanks for stopping in. :) It always makes me day when my gals chime in and say hi. :)