Pride In Life » One man living the Big Gay Dream

This sums up how I’m feeling today.

I’d rather be in bed.

I recently had the displeasure of running into an old “friend”. This is someone I had been very close to (one of my best friends on the planet). We lost touch for a bit and I bumped into her recently. We had “the talk”. You know, the one where you catch up on life since you last spoke. She was super chipper Mrs. Homemaker USA, with the perfect life, perfect family, perfect overly white smile. And I’m just me. I kept it real: I’m gay, I’m married, we have the coolest son on the planet and I love my life.

I could feel the tension and judgment building in her as I answered her question about whether or not I was married. Then she did something she shouldn’t have….she said she’s pray that God would heal me.

Uh….what?

Within a second, the tone of the conversation changed and she became aware that the battle lines had been drawn. I was never rude, but my tone certainly became much shorter and more direct as I explained that her prayers should be focused on her own misguided beliefs as I am not broken and don’t need healing (at least not when it comes to my orientation, which is what she was referring to). It was her tone that set me off – the tone of voice that’s dripping with sympathy that you use when someone tells you they are dying of terminal cancer.

We exchanged a few pointed comments…something like this:

Friend: I’ll be praying for God’s healing to come over you.
Me: Why? Because I’m gay? Why would he heal me when he made me this way? Will he also heal you for having blue eyes? Being gay isn’t something I chose but you being judgmental is a choice.
Friend: We’re going to have to disagree. I just feel bad that you’re raising a child…
Me (interjecting): …that’s a line you don’t want to cross with me. You can disagree with my relationship – not that I care if I have your approval – all you want but you’re off-sides by implying I’m any less capable of raising a family than you are.
Friend: Well, you’re obviously biased.
Me: I think we both are. You’re taking opinions to be fact whereas I’m using my own life experiences to form an opinion, researching facts and educating myself. It’s just sad that you feel the need to judge others. That’s not the Friend I remember who was so loving and warm.
Friend: Well, I better go. I will pray for you, Ryan. You don’t have to live like this.
Me: Please do – I’ll always take extra prayers. I’ll be praying that, at some point, you actually read the Bible and learn what being a Christian is really about. I’ll be praying for your kids too – hoping they overcome their upbringing.

Yeah, so I got a little crappy towards the end. I just wasn’t expecting things to get so ugly so quickly.

I walked away feeling really bummed and I haven’t been able to shake that feeling. Most of the time the intolerance doesn’t really get to me (other than being frustrating to deal with). But this time, with it coming from someone who I was so close to at one point, it stung. And it made me really unhappy that this is something we have to accept as a community: constantly being told that we are lesser people or unsuitable parents based on one piece of who we are. We are more than our orientation. We are good people who have feelings too and this sort of undeserved negativity and judgement DOES take a toll. It just seems unreal to me that so many people need to take the time to share their negative opinion on something that in no way affects them.

So, I’m down. But, to quote Chumbawamba, I get knocked down…but I’ll get up again.